11:55 p.m.-Wednesday, April 14, 2004
The last paragraph I added is the first one here for a number of reasons. 1) To let you know where you left off. 2) There was a slight change at the end of the paragraph. =R=
Dave started to not come on line as often, and RD did. When RD did get on line, he IM-ed me and we’d talk, and I would of course get very annoyed. After a while, the annoyance faded away, and I was starting to enjoy my almost daily conversation with him. I nearly forgot about my developing feelings for Dave, and noticed that they were beginning to develop for RD. I found that RD’s arrogance was a front, and once you got passed it, he was the sweetest person imaginable. We quickly became good friends. At that point in time, I was near infatuation for a friend of mine named Pulin. Coincidentally, RD was almost positively sure he was in love with a girl named Jaci. RD and I eventually shared these “deep feelings” we held for our friends to each other, and vented our unrequited “love” for these people. We talked about our feelings and joked around, and of course we talked about Star Wars.
School had let out, and Candice had had her end of the year party. Sadly, due to strict parenting from my mother, I could not attend the soiree. I had sent Megan down with a camera loaded with film to take as many pictures as possible of the people I had never met. RD and Dave wasted the pictures capturing silly faces, which I didn’t really mind. They also signed a notebook I sent down with Megan; a sort of yearbook if you will. It had been a month or so since the first time I had started talking with Dave and RD, and I still had not met them nor was I all that sure of what they looked like. Hence the camera. The moment I got the pictures back, I had to rush to see what these people looked like. I had the prior knowledge of RD’s red hair and glasses and Dave’s dark hair and blue eyes. Anyone that knows me will confirm my complete adoration of dark hair and blue eyes. Using my first impression of RD, I suspected him to look as cocky as he seemed. I also imagined Dave to physicallize the sweet person that he was.
When I got the pictures back, I was surprised to say the least. Dave was absolutely gorgeous. He had a million dollar smile and the brightest blue eyes I had ever seen. He seemed to be everything I had ever wanted in a guy. Through our conversations, I learned that Dave was a professional actor; so seeing this beyond perfect boy was knee weakening to say the least. Then I turned to the first of RD’s pictures. He was nothing like I pictured him. I imagined a tall and muscular guy with a cocky-as-all-hell smirk permanently plastered on his face. When I was told which of the boys in the picture was RD, I was taken aback. Here was this slightly longhaired, brown-eyed boy with glasses and strawberry blonde hair. His smile was sweet and genuine, with a teensy weensy gap. He was definitely tall, but he was anything but muscular. He had this quality to his face that I’m not sure everyone would see, but I saw it. That’s what mattered; I saw it. I saw more than just a geeky and skinny emo boy. I saw an incredibly adorable and sweet geeky and skinny emo boy. That was where the first twinge of more than platonic feeling was felt. The moment I put who he was on line and what he looked like together.
07:15 a.m.-Tuesday, April 13, 2004
There’s something magical about falling in love for the first time. Something you can never explain or outgrow. Your first love is going to be with you long after you physically leave each other’s lives. I think that’s where the magic comes in. The foreverness of love. That’s true magic. I know that my first love will never ever leave me, not even when I’m ninety-nine and on my deathbed. Even if I were to live my entire life with another man, I will never forget my first love. I’ll never forget the first eyes that saw me as more than what I was. I’ll never forget the first lips to touch mine. I’ll never forget him. My Raymond.
It started in the spring of 2002. I was a freshman in high school, and so was he. We didn’t go to the same school, or even live in the same city. Frankly, before that spring, I didn’t even know a guy like him existed in the world. My best friend Megan and I finally got over a yearlong fight, and the funniest thing is that we had met at the beginning of that year. Through circumstances uncontrolled by either of them, Megan and her best friend Candice were separated in eighth grade by a seventy-mile stretch of Florida highway. Megan resided here, in good old Jacksonville, while Candice lived in the bustling (somewhat of an over statement) new city of Palm Coast. Through the course of living in these two cities, Candice and Megan had of course accumulated a good number of close friends. One of Megan’s friends being me, and one of Candice’s being Raymond, or RD to everyone but a few of his teachers. Of course, through time, Megan began to communicate with Candice’s friends, and Candice communicated with Megan’s… Namely, me.
Something you need to know about RD is that he is a Star Wars FREAK. He absolutely LOVES the trilogy, now becoming saga. Candice also was a great fan, however, Megan wasn’t much of one. She liked the movies, but she wasn’t exactly what you would call a big fan. I, on the other hand, was. I wasn’t the biggest fan in all the world, but I sure did like Star Wars a lot. This connection I had with both Candice and RD might have been just the thing that stirred RD’s interest. Megan had begun talking to RD relatively close to the time we began talking. Now, the difference between my appreciation for Star Wars versus RD’’s is that my knowledge of it compared to RD’s hit the negative numbers. Megan, being the conversationalist that she is, casually slipped it into a conversation she was having with RD. That was it; it was one of those moments in your life that determine the rest of it. That slight moment that you probably don’t even know about that could determine who you may turn out to be in the end. Whether I knew it or not, that was one of my moments. When Megan let it slip out to RD of my Star Wars fanaticism, who I would be was completely changed. RD of course pressed further into the subject, making sure Megan gave him my screen name on line so he could make sure I was the fan Megan said I said I was. Megan, being the compliant person that she could be, freely gave him my screen name.
At school the next day, Megan was sure to tell me of her conversation with one of Candice’s good Star Wars loving friends, and spilled the beans about my upcoming encounter with him. I screamed. At that point in time, I hated even the smallest humiliation. Oh, don’t get me wrong, humiliation is still not high on my list of things I love, but being shamed of my fan-ness wasn’t that big of a deal. Megan informed me that this boy would quiz me on what I knew about Star Wars to make sure I could walk the walk I talked. I let the thing slip out of my mind, and I had almost completely forgotten about it when I got home.
I got home as I normally did, and went on line as I normally did. It wasn’t until five minutes after that I remembered why I didn’t want to go on line. I got a random instant message from an Invincible Dave. I assumed his name was Dave (which it was), and asked him why he was IM-ing me. He told me that he was a friend of RD’s, and that he was going to help me pass the dreaded quiz. He warned me that when ThatJugglerGuy IM-ed me, that would be it, it would be RD. I think I truly miss when things this trivial were such a crisis. Dave was a complete sweetheart for trying, but I was a hopeless case at that point. I had catastrophized the situation to the very worst possible degree of humiliation. When RD finally did get on line, not even Dave’s attempts helped me. He asked me questions that I wouldn’t even fathom to know. RD asked me what Yoda’s wife’s name was, and hell if I knew Yoda even had a wife. When RD and I finally drifted into regular conversation after I completely bombed his inquisitions, he came off as cocky and arrogant. He came off as the exact opposite of Dave. In the few moments we conversed that night, I grew to dislike him very much because of his arrogance. Dave, on the other hand, I was growing quite fond of.
When we called it a night, Dave was added to my Buddy List, and I was on the verge of blocking RD. I honestly hoped to never talk to him again. He seemed to be weirded out by my personality, and he seemed to look down on me because of it. Either way, I didn’t want to talk to him ever again, but I did weigh in the fact that Dave might just tell him I blocked him. I was one of those people that didn’t like to offend on a very personal level, in fact, I still am.
Dave and I talked a few times after the first time, and I was slowly beginning to develop feelings for him, but I hadn’t heard of or from RD in a while. For this, I was grateful. Then, one day, I got an IM from ThatJugglerGuy. I was ready for the worst, and frankly, he wasn’t that much better about his arrogance. I still disliked him, and I still didn’t want to talk to him, but I still did not block him. I guess I was too hooked on Dave to let it go over his best friend.
Dave started to not come on line as often, and RD did. When RD did get on line, he IM-ed me and we’d talk, and I would of course get very annoyed. After a while, the annoyance faded away, and I was starting to enjoy my almost daily conversation with him. I nearly forgot about my developing feelings for Dave, and noticed that they were beginning to develop for RD. I found that RD’s arrogance was a front, and once you get passed it, he is the sweetest person imaginable. We quickly became good friends. I told him of my crush on my friend Pulin, while he told about his crush on his friend Jaci.
07:08 a.m.-Tuesday, April 13, 2004
I've decided that I am going to use this Pita for stories I have written. For my everyday life, please go to my LiveJournal. There is a link provided in the link section.
Thank you.